As a wife, do you struggle to know what this word submit means and to put it into practice on a regular basis? Perhaps you will find it comforting to know that you are not alone as a wife with this struggle. It could be curiosity or genuine interest, but research shows that one of the most highly searched terms regarding marriage and the Bible on the internet is the simple phrase “wife submit to your husband kjv.”
Just like that appears above, most people type in kjv at the end of their search. While it is in no way outdated, for some reason the KJV (King James Version) seems to get the most criticism for using the word submit. Perhaps is summons images of abuse and mistreatment. Maybe you recoil as you imagine a starving servant in worn clothing, barefoot and cowering in fear. I believe that God always uses the exact, specific word He means when communicating with us. The use of the word submit here is no exception. Even if we don’t like how that word makes us feel, it is the word that is used. Whatever societal perceptions have come about should not have any bearing on how we respond when we are interpreting with a biblical worldview.
Why does the Bible’s view on wifely submission matter?
If that is your starting viewpoint then there are other heart issues probably at play that should be dealt with first. If we cannot approach God’s Word, in It’s entirety, first with a heart of submission to It’s authority then we will live a life of struggle and fail to grow. As we engage our time in God’s Word daily with a mindset to learn and a heart to change according to the instruction we find there, we can be assured that our lives will be ordered by the Lord.
Berean Christians were known for their habit of “searching the Scriptures daily.” This is a practice all Christians desiring growth should share. When we look into the mirror of God’s Word we see ourselves for who we truly are, without the façade we have carefully created. Attitudes and actions are exposed and we are convicted by the Holy Spirit to submit or yield ourselves to change. Wives, please make certain that you are regularly seeking wisdom from the whole counsel of God as you journey through marriage.
What does the Bible actually say about wifely submission?
I specifically added the descriptor wifely before the word submission in order to avoid the temptation to rabbit-trail about the husband’s submission also. This is a site dedicated to helping wives become better at marriage and homemaking, so I do not need to remind you or your husband what his role is here. When we focus on our own need for change that is always a more profitable pursuit.
Attitude for Submission
Ephesians 5:22 – Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Two golden takeaways can be found in this small verse. The instruction here is that I submit to my own husband. I do not have to submit to all men, to someone else’s husband, or even a boss at work. My place is to submit to my husband. Sometimes we create unnecessary hardships for ourselves as wives when we place ourselves, our time, and our commitments into a place of submission to another man, woman, company, or ministry opportunity.
The tail end of this verse encourages us that submission to our husband is the same as submission to the Lord. When my focus is on pleasing the Lord instead of myself, I can avoid a mindset of not having my needs met. Selfish tendencies, unmet expectations, and hurt feelings often arise when we are looking inward instead of outward for fulfillment and joy. Submission to the Lord is where true joy is found.
Colossians 3:18 – Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Again, we see here that submission is to our own husbands, but the end of the verse is worded slightly differently. The author was inspired to say that submitting to our husbands is “fit” in the Lord. Essentially this choice of words carries with it the idea that this is what is “right” before the Lord. As an example here I would like to ask if you have seen publicly when a wife refuses to submit to her husband? Television and movies are certainly abounding with examples of this, but if you have ever witnessed an obvious show of disrespect or rebellion towards a husband I hope you were sensible enough to say to yourself, “that is not right.” It certainly was not. When a wife is disrespectful or rude to her husband it is truly an ugly site to behold. Her behavior is not fitting or becoming for a wife. Here in the South I would say to my child, “Quit being ugly to your brother.”
Avenues for Submission
Equally as wrong are the instances when we choose to challenge our husband’s authority privately as well. Take note of the specific areas of struggle for you as a wife. Is it finances, child-rearing, sexual intimacy, or even where to vacation? Determine the areas that are difficult for you to give up control over and yield those to the Lord. He will give you the power to joyfully submit to your husband’s authority in these areas as well.
Lastly, it is interesting to note that God did not say, “submit to your own husband when he is right.” There are many times we know we should turn this direction, buy this item, try this method, et cetera and our husband is just not on board. In those times we should submit. Period. Give the matter to prayer and trust that the same Spirit that is working in you is also working in your husband. The Holy Spirit can change your husband’s heart and mind, but that is His work not yours. If you absolutely must, you can respectfully approach your husband at a later time and ask him if you can revisit the topic with new information, but you should not do this if your heart is not submissive and you are really seeking to have the same discussion/disagreement again.
There are times when I have to remind myself of the humorous, but sage advice that an older and wiser couple gave to wives regarding this topic when we were in a Sunday School Class for newly married couples. He advised, “Speak up, then shut up. That is the submission part.” This was said with a wink in his eye and in lighthearted truthfulness, not rudely at all. They had been happily married for over four decades and his wife was the delight of his life.
Where did submission start in the Bible?
While the verses above are doctrines that New Testament believers are called to live by, we can see that biblical submission was instituted long before that. We can find the principle of submission within the traditional marriage roles outlined in the Genesis account of Creation. When Eve was created as a helper, or complement, to her husband Adam it was not in any way a place of inferiority. The beautiful picture we see as Eve was taken from Adam’s side was described with excellence back in the 1600’s by a well-known biblical scholar.
Not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved. – Matthew Henry
Christ’s Submission
Our Great Example and Lord is the perfect display of submission for us to model ourselves after as wives. Over and over in Scripture we see Christ submitting Himself to the authority of His heavenly father. Christ was certainly not inferior to God, as He Himself was God in human form. Our Savior even submitted Himself in obedience to redeem us. Paul’s letter to the men and women of Galatia certainly makes it plain for us that Christ’s finished work on the Cross is for all of us, men and women alike. Husbands and wives are of equal worth before God.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. – Galatians 3:28
Rights vs Roles
Only when we see roles as the world commonly sees them do we feel inferior. Women competing for “equal rights” in the workplace has made it common for us to feel a need to fight for our rights at home. There is no battle. There are no rights, only roles. When we see ourselves as having rights that must be protected within biblical marriages we can rest assured that rebellion will soon follow.
Will biblical submission fix my troubled marriage?
If your goal is to have a lasting, peaceful marriage, if you desire a truly one-flesh relationship with your spouse that withstands the storms of life, then my answer is resoundingly YES! Fighting, pettiness, division, hurt, unmet expectations and lack of forgiveness are all from Satan. The Deceiver comes to kill and destroy marriages. Arm yourself with the following Scripture and prepare to see your marriage transformed!
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. – James 4:7
Would you take the time to tell me about your experience(s) with submission to your husband? How has God used this tool to transform your marriage?