What is the one area of your life as a homemaker that, if you made changes to, would yield the greatest benefit? As mothers we are constantly struggling with balancing homemaking responsibilities, relationships, and priorities. When we manage this delicate balance artfully, our lives are a beautiful symphony. Let’s take a look at the daily habits you are playing currently and see if we can tune things up a bit.
1. Learn – Assess – Build
If you were to try to put your finger on it, what is the one area you are struggling most with right now? Would you say your marriage, clutter in your home, your relationship with your tween? It is vital that we take inventory of what the root of the struggle is before we can make real strides toward improvement. The music of our life is a reflection of what our practices and daily habits are. Therefore, that is where we need to start.
Once you are able to establish realistic rhythms that accompany your life you will experience amazing success and fulfillment as a homemaker. Knowing how to write the music of your life begins with the skillful design of a prioritized Daily To-Do List. You can eagerly wake up and conduct the orchestra when you know what the music is going to sound like. This doesn’t happen without careful attention being given to the goals and resources you have and the intentional learning of life’s rhythms and seasons.
Your list can be designed to separate the Best Tasks (the items you should be investing your life, energy, and talents on) from the time-wasters and joy-stealers. Get rid of conflicts on your calendar by simply saying “No.” You do not have time for appointments made out of guilt and frustration. Reserve your availability for nurturing relationships at home, nourishing your soul, body and health, as well as that of your family. Life is busy and full. Be sure it is full and busy with things and people that matter.
Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.
Ephesians 5:16,17
Learn Flexibility
You haven’t even made your plan yet and I am going to ask you to be flexible with it. Even though we take the time to carefully script the music of our lives, interruptions do take place. Sometimes as the conductor you will need to drop the baton and clean-up after your child who has just thrown-up. You will get distracted and burn dinner, what is your pivot plan? Maybe your husband locked his keys in the car at nap time and you have to get everyone up and in the car to bring him the spare key.
Whatever it is that interrupts the beautiful music you were making, understand that it is just a temporary interruption by an ad. You can get right back to the song once the ad plays. Know that your attitude during these times of interruption and possible frustration when the music stops will determine whether or not those around you want to hear your music or turn it down. Cheerfulness and understanding are vital to keeping a positive vibe flowing throughout your home. As the mother, you set the tone. You pick the station.
Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
Phillipians 4:4
Learn to Rest
Adequate rest plays an important role in our physical health as well as our emotional well-being. When you don’t rest, you cannot be at your best. Homemaking requires A LOT of energy, no matter what the cliche’s are. Your role requires an incredible amount of physical exertion, mental drive, and emotional investment. Rest allows our bodies and minds to recover and reset for the next day’s concert.
Rest in who you are. If you are still unsettled about your worth or place as a homemaker, take some time to get that settled. As God’s symphony (workmanship) you were uniquely designed to take your place in history with your family and perform your work with excellence. Nobody else can take this place that you were specifically made for.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:10
Learn Frugality
Frugal living is not practiced because you are impoverished, rather it is the practice of living a life of richness within your means. It is prioritizing where your resources are spent so that you do not have to live with regret. Frugality is telling your income where and how it will be used. Establishing daily habits of frugality attending to the necessities of life ensures that there is plenty left for generosity and things that bring pleasure in life.
Frugality sounds like a beautiful worship song to our God and a raucous noise to those who are intent on keeping up with the latest trends of social media. It really is not about whether or not you have the resources, but rather whether or not the resources you are given are meant to be used on a certain pursuit.
You don’t have to weigh each brand of toenail clippers in the light of eternity, but if you are being wasteful in an area of life or intentionally spending on worthless pursuits, then you really should make the necessary changes toward frugality and a mindset of abundance.
Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Matthew 6:19-21
Assess
Begin to make an honest assessment of the flow of your family. What are the daily habits and seasonal rhythms already providing some background music in your home? Where can you make slight adjustments to improve the sound and where to you need to completely start over with a different song?
Regular bedtimes and wake times are important, but they are flexible from family to family and are dependent upon what season of life you are in. Take note of who and when as you are assessing routines for sleeping, eating, schooling, and other regular family activities. Be sure to prioritize your husband’s needs and preferences as you build your plan.
Lastly, know when to re-assess and redirect your day. Along with flexibility and a great attitude when the music starts to go sour, you will also need to have a contingency plan. Once you see that your carefully ordered day has taken a detour, assess the damage, see what can be salvaged and re-route quickly. Smoothies for dinner is all right this time, it’s not a habit. Know that tomorrow will be a new day with another chance to make beautiful music.
It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
Lamentations 3:22-24
Remember the words of Scripture here. Rest and take refuge in them when you feel the tears coming. That’s what lamentations are; they are tear-spilling, ugly cries.
Build Margin
Build into your new plan some margin. Margin is that bit of grace, that space you allow for yourself and your family to maintain the right tempo to your song even when life gets a bit off beat. If you are educating your children at home and the math lesson takes a bit longer to grasp today, the whole day does not have to be ruined just because you went 10 minutes extra today.
If you are potty-training and have to leave the laundry waiting several times today, you may get to the end of the day and not be finished with what you wanted to wash. That’s all right. Margin allows us to wear the other clean clothes in the drawer because we did not run our clean underwear supply down to the very last panty!
Margin is wisdom. Margin is a well-stocked pantry when unforeseen circumstances arise. Margin is different from assessment and re-direction in that it allows you to maintain your course with minimal interruption rather than requiring a complete change of course. Margin just might become your new hit song!
And the grace of our Lord was exceeding abundant with faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.
I Timothy 1:14
Build Culture
Is there a purpose or mission for your family? Have you developed a sense of family pride? Teamwork? Compassion for others? Each of these things and more are the result of giving diligent effort to building a positive family culture.
A family culture is what remains with you even when your home burns down and you are forced to start over, move across country, or bury a loved one. Culture is the heritage and legacy of a love for God and His Word, rich memories and heart-warming traditions filled with meaning for you and your children. Even when they are grown and gone with families of their own, their family culture remains a part of them and continues for the next generation.
2. Establish Daily Habits for Managing Yourself and Your Home
These are the daily habits that I have found most impactful for me as a traditional homemaker. They are the foundational chords that I base each season of life on. When it is time to make a change, these are the rhythms that I place my effort on.
Spiritual Growth
When I ask myself why the music is out of balance, when all I hear is the flute section and no strings, the first place I look is at my own spiritual growth. What is God teaching me right now through His Word? Have I allowed my daily time with Him to be pushed aside and replaced by time spent matching up all the lonely socks?
A pursuit of spiritual growth should be our top priority as Christians. Our spiritual growth and development has the potential to impact our lives in so many areas. When we are not growing closer to God, we begin to drift away. There is no staying in place. We also need this time of fellowship with Him to refresh and renew our spirits when we are experiencing lows.
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
It is our responsibility as homemakers to place our children on a path to spiritual growth. We are not to lead and guide them through this path as that is our husband’s role as leader, but as we regularly observe them at home, and as we walk with them along the way we can pray with and for them specifically as we see areas of struggle.
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down and when thou risest up.
Deuteronomy 6:7
As you see areas that need improvement, be careful to allow the Holy Spirit to do His work. Yes, you must correct when correction is needed, but be sure to rise to the occasion when encouragement is also needed. Be quick to model for your family Christ’s compassion and forgiveness.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32
Positive Attitudes
Do not allow wrong attitudes in yourself or your children. Attitudes set the tempo of our music and bad attitudes are like one orchestra player choosing to play their part at a much slower tempo than the conductor has set. This throws off the whole song for everyone and nobody wants to play along.
Be proactive about having a plan in place on how you handle correction and discipline of wrong attitudes. When the situation arises, there are no surprises for anyone. Simply enact the plan until the desired outcome is seen and harmony is restored.
Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Hebrews 12:11
A martyr’s attitude has no place in the Christian homemaker’s life. Your family should see you joyfully serving them day after day, year after year. They are taking note and developing their own conclusions about motherhood and family life. Developing an attitude of gratitude in yourself and your children is key to lifelong happiness.
Whether you portray yourself as a martyr or a passionate servant of Christ with a high and holy calling will be evidenced daily in your attitudes, words, and actions. Wives and mothers should experience and express delight in daily life. When we are not grateful, our children will not be either. Purpose in your heart to display a contagious positive and thankful attitude.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
I Thessalonians 5:18
And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.
Colossians 3:23-24
Daily Habits for Successful Homemaking
Dress for the day
For some, this habit is not as basic as it sounds. Do not be tempted to roll out of bed for the day and cruise around in the t-shirt and leggings that you slept in. When we dress, we show respect for ourselves and for others. Getting dressed for the day is the first step toward a successful day as a homemaker.
Develop for yourself a wardrobe of outfits that you love. Clothes that make you feel feminine and lovely. Yes, you might be breastfeeding currently, but that doesn’t mean you are no longer human. This does not need to be a wardrobe of fancy dresses. Just make some simple, modest choices that allow you to perform your daily duties while not negating the fact that you are a lovely woman of worth, made in the image of your Creator.
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Proverbs 31:25-28
Morning Routine
If you are someone who struggles with where to begin with your morning routine, relax. There are many resources available for you online. Like most routines, this has to be a reflection of the daily habits you want to take place, not what someone else does to get ready for each day.
Some basic habits might include brushing your teeth, styling your hair, making your bed, packing your husbands lunch, preparing breakfast, starting a loaf of sourdough and a load of towels while you spend some time alone with God. Make your morning routine based on your own goals and spend the time performing those items following a checklist until they become daily habits.
Meals as Family
Let me encourage you to prioritize eating your meals as a family. If you are able to make this happen for all meals, fantastic. Starting the day together at the breakfast table is a great start for everyone.
It is likely that you will be at home with your children for lunch, wonderful! Take a brief pause between loads of laundry to nourish your body and soul. Our children really are a blessing and mealtimes are an excellent opportunity for everyone to be relaxed and at their best.
Sharing a meal regularly at the dinner table has been shown time and again as a common practice that healthy, whole families share. It can be so nice to sit and spend a few moments together at the end of the day re-connecting with your loved ones. Do your best to make dinner together at the table the norm. Put on some gentle background music and enjoy your meal together.
You may have the talent and interest to make every supper meal a real culinary affair, but you do not have to. Simple meals can still be healthy and wholesome. The real benefit comes from the simple act of pausing and taking part in healthy face-to-face interaction. Keep the conversation light and the laughter heavy!
Set Goals
Sometimes our goals and desires get waylaid by the regular symphony of life. Don’t allow this thought to deter you. Take time quarterly to make plans and dream a bit with your spouse. This will keep you both on the same page and a plan will hold you accountable.
Plan your work; work your plan. The hall bath is not going to paint itself. Break down larger goals into step by step plans and to-do’s. Select and purchase paint, sand and clean walls, tape the outlets and fixtures, cut in the trim… One step at a time gets the job done over time when you are unable to just completely re-do the bathroom in one weekend.
Only allow yourself to plan 2 large projects per quarter. Otherwise, you will be setting yourself up for failure and frustration. You are likely able to complete a few smaller projects during the same quarter; such as purge the kid’s closets, plan a birthday party, and sew a new apron as well. As the saying goes, when we fail to plan, we plan to fail.
Through wisdom a house is built,
Proverbs 24:3
And by understanding it is established;
Control the Chaos
This life-changing habit will likely need to be handled once the kids are in bed as part of your Evening Routine. You may find time to Control the Chaos, as I call it, some other point in the day, but evening has been the most impactful for me.
What I mean is simply taking a timer, setting it for just 15 minutes and hustling through your main living spaces giving them a quick but thorough daily tidy. The living room and common bathroom are the most likely candidates in need of your daily attention.
By much slothfulness the building decayeth; and through idleness of the hands the house droppeth through.
Ecclesiastes 3:18
Evening Routine with Predictable Bedtime
What are the daily habits you need to accomplish to finish your homemaking day with a smile of satisfaction? A few ideas that come to mind are finish and put away the laundry, kitchen clean-up and meal prep for tomorrow, skincare, re-connect time with your hubby, read the next chapter in your book, et cetera.
All of these daily habits need to end with a predictable bedtime. Our bodies were not designed to binge-watch our favorite show every night, go to bed bleary-eyed at 2:15, then up again at 6 am. In fact, experts are recommending more and more often that we end all screen time at least an hour before bed in order to balance our hormones and circadian rhythm.
It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.
Psalm 127:2
Conclusion
The life of a successful homemaker is a very full and rich life, but it is not always easy to hear the beautiful music. Sounds on social media, from feminists, and even well-meaning friends and loved ones are often heard playing loudly above the gentle music of your life. These loud voices can tempt you to feelings of despair and martyr syndrome. When this happens, turn your thoughts away from self and place your focus on others.
It is your privilege to serve alongside your husband in this amazing life. You are a gift to him as well as your children. The work you do cheerfully and as unto the Lord is building a legacy of faithfulness and wholeness for your children. It is a beautiful song that they will always remember as long as they live. Don’t stop the music!
Resource List
There have been a few authors that have made a great impact on my life as a wife, mother, and homemaker. None of these are links, simply incredible resources that have blessed my home and family. I would like to share them with you here:
Treasuring Christ When Your Hands are Full, Gloria Furman
Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Paul & David Trippe
The Life-giving Home, Sally Clarkson
Satisfied, Nancy Leigh deMoss
Made for More, Hannah Anderson
The Organized Home, Elisabeth Elliot